There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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