well I can't set my house on fire every night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
