I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
