im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize