I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
