New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
