I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
