and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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