he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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