i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
