I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize