I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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