Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I puked a lego.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
