my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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