Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
