your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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