my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
