Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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