He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
