They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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