"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
