halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
