do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
