I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
