five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
