I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize