I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
