it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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