He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
