Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
