I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
