Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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