if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
