You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
