Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
