Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Holy shit dude........stairs
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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