I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
