Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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