i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
