Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
