the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
