I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
