Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
