I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
