Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
