she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
