Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
