I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize