dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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