the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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