She just used a chaser for red wine.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
