is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sext me about skeletons
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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