There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I could fuck to npr.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
