If that was your dad, he is hot
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
