you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
