Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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