so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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