Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
did you just send me my own nude
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize