LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize