Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
