Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
