there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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