everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i came on her dog
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
