In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
