When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
