Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
