We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so let's talk penis.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
