One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
