Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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