what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
