Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
