On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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