i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
