Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
