You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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