Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize