Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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