how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
