everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
