already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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