You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
