Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
