New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
