my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
