STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
