it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
