And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
