the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it was like eating out sand paper
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
