he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
