oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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