During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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