Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
