it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize