I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
