If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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